NADA

I have nothing new to say at this time and don't expect anything new till this beautiful summer is over.

I know you're reading this because my stat counter is still clicking away.

Oh, alright. If you insist. Here are some interesting things I found surfing the Net.

Please do enjoy as you waste valuable life minutes looking at these...

Happy, Olaf? Sorry I forgot. You're dead once again.

That Which Sounds The Bell...

The above gibberish is what the Web translator, AltaVista Babel Fish, spewed out after I took, "For Whom the Bell Tolls" translated it into French, then into German, back to French and finally back into English.

Here are some famous movie quotes in no particular order. See if you can recognize them.

Answers at the end...maybe...if I'm in a good mood and you leave lots of comments.

1. My, I hardly ensure myself frankly expensive.
2. Attach your safety belts. This one will be one night unequal.
3. They do not include understand! Coulda I had the class. Coulda I which a candidate is been. Could've I summers of somebody instead of a person without shelter which is that I am.
4. A customer of account has in tries to examine the past me. I ate his liver with some avabohnen and Chianti pleasant.
5. Naw, too easy. Let's go to Chinese first... "Without the place likely house" -- that's more like it.
6. The life the mom was always like a case chocolates. They never know what to receive you go.
7. "day" what one calls "good" with my boy friend!
8. From whole Wacholder which is connected in all the cities in each one, it goes my.
9. Vista, baby of Hasta.
10. It of Soylent is green the people!
11. Martini. Agitated not to move.
12. You cannot fight here inside the Messrs! It is the hall of war!
13. Because the god is not my witness, me the hunger will never have still.
14. During one morning I drew an elephant in that from my pyjamas. Like it received that in my pyjamas, I do not know.
15. They cannot whistle you of Steve? They go up to blow your lips just and.
16. High circle usual suspects.
17. Go makes there my day.
18. I will make him a proposal which it cannot disallow.
19. I want the odor of Napalms of the mornings.
20. The love means that having to never see betruest do not say to you are deep.

Believe it or not, that took me almost an hour. Exhausting! I'll have to speak to my therapist about this. I'm always more agitated after I work on a post and I really don't see the therapeutic value in it as he claims. I do have to say, however, that some of the results did produce a giggle or two. I hope it does the same for you, and if it doesn't, "Take large, the great personnel and support on to the top of your afters!"

If you didn't figure out the translations, here are the original quotes.
Give yourself one point for every right answer and deduct 35 to the power of 3 for every wrong one. And if you don't feel like doing the math, "Take a big, fat stick and shove it up your anus!"

1. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
2. Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night.
3. You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.
4. A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
5. There's no place like home.
6. Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
7. Say "hello" to my little friend!
8. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.
9. Hasta la vista, baby.
10. Soylent Green is people!
11. A martini. Shaken, not stirred.
12. Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!
13. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.
14. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.
15. You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow.
16. Round up the usual suspects.
17. Go ahead, make my day.
18. I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse.
19. I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
20. Love means never having to say you're sorry.

It's over...

It's over before it even began.

I'm shutting down the blog as soon as I get up the nerve to delete it.

Don't even think about trying to convince me otherwise.

OK?

Nothing's going to convince to continue this utter waste of time.

I don't even want to hear it...

Hello?...Hel-lo-ho? Anybody out there?

Ok, so I won't be missed. Fine.

I can handle it.

You people think I care?

You think I give a damn if I throw a blog party and nobody comes?

Well, I don't!

And if you want to know the truth, as if you didn't figure it out already...

I AM A FAILED SCREENWRITER!

There, I said it! I've been trying to sell my scripts for years and all I ever got back were rejection slips. More often than not, I got NOTHING.

LOUSY PRICKS!

Anyway, this blogging thing bores me. You ALL bore me with your whining and complaining and your delusional ideas that one day you'll get produced.

You spend money on script contests and the only people getting RICH off it are the contests! You honestly think anybody reads your material?

They're after the 50 bucks, BOZOS!

I'll say it for you, FUCK YOU, ENZIO! There, happy?

Who needs a scumbag, dick-head like YOU to point out to US that we are all FAILURES with nothing better to do than put our uninteresting and stupid thoughts on a blog! We already know it! We don't acknowledge it because we're too chicken shit to admit we wasted the best years of our lives chasing a dream that condemned us to failure before we even started!

We're in this broken-hearts club encouraging each other when we all know we're LOSERS!

Misery does love company and you all deserve each other.

Hurts to hear the TRUTH, huh? Well, I faced the truth long ago and I'm not ashamed to admit that I got out of this rat-piss race LONG AGO before I lost my youth and my mind.

Ok, the mind maybe I misplaced somewhere, but I've done a lot of living instead of sitting in front of my computer masturbating my brain.

Go on, continue the circle-jerk with your half-assed musings and pitiful lamenting. I couldn't give a FLYING SHIT because I'm not LIKE YOU. I rescued myself from the pit of desperation and futility and I NEVER looked BACK...

While I'm at it, here are a few mementos from my personal life.

Please do enjoy!

A little accident at the guest house.

Got to keep the boys away from those White Supremacist websites.

A close personal friend, Michael Berryman comes over to the spread when the rabbit population gets out of control and uses his exceptional head to burrow into their tunnels.

The kids during our annual Deliverance Theme Day where we all get together to strum our banjos and play

"WHO CAN SQUEAL LIKE A PIG?"

Strange, I found this mug shot of Andre The Giant in my son Anthony's wallet.

I hope it doesn't mean what I think it means! I really should hide all these muscle builder photos I have lying around the office.

Wouldn't want him to become obsessed with it!

What a lovely weekend we had when Moammar Gadhafi came to visit. A real laugh riot! I caught him coming out of the shower in this photo. Can you believe the look of surprise on this guy's face?

He said something like, "Morfakar! Habibi! Blaf grag spritz blorf strup ptuwi!"

Which I think is Arab for, "Go fuck yourself, Enzio Pesta!"

If you're wondering about the mics, I have a recording studio just off the master bathroom where I record my weekly public radio program,

"Who's Your Despot?!"

Another candid shot of Mommi enjoying our rendition of Rhapsody in Blue on our banjos. Those reflections in his sunglasses are totally spooky, aren't they? Maybe I should try selling this photo to some religious fanatics and tell them it's a miracle or something.

Fuck me! Look at what else I found in Anthony's wallet!

Please, tell me what it all means!

I don't want to even think about it.

You know what? Maybe I'll keep the blog going just a little bit longer.

I realize I have so much shit in my collection that no one ever gets to see and this is the perfect place to display it.

I think I'll ask my therapist if he can swing a quick electrical charge through the brain on the next visit.

I really have no idea why I'm doing this blog thing.

I'll say it again because I know you love hearing it...

FUCK YOU, ENZIO PESTA!

Ok, already!

The pressure to put something new up on the blog has been so intense that I am forced to go to press with some out-takes from my last post on Steve Reeves.

You brought this upon yourselves.

And I must apologize if this is not up to par with my usually brilliant musings , but Olaf, The Harry Houdini of the Scribosphere, gave me no choice.

Any Steve Reeves fan will tell you that this one-of-a-kind photo of the legendary body builder shortly after his disastrous gender-reassignment operation is priceless.

It was only by some miracle that the doctors were able to reverse it!

The photo came into my possession through an irreputable Turkish fine art dealer, a collector of 19th century gynecological instruments and obscure memorabilia of famous people who have undergone the procedure.

Some of the more noteable luminaries he has in his collection:

Prince Charles after he became Camilla Parker Bowles, Jay Leno previously known as Rosita Alonsa de Montoya y Pérez de las Altas Maricón por Favor from Tijuana, Bebe Doc Duvalier who became Catherine Deneuve, Roman Polanski now going by the name of Audrey Tautou, and Tom Hanks who co-stars with her in the upcoming blockbuster, Da DaVinci Ting. No, he has not had a sex change operation and what's up with the hair, Tom?

Perhaps the logo over the Mr. Olympia is too small to read. It says, "The Arnold Schwarznegger Italian Fan Club" of which I am the founder and director. If you're interested in joining, just email me through the blog and I will ignore your request. I have nothing else to add to this caption other than to acknowledge, yes, this is getting old.

More Reeves trivia: Did you know Steve supplemented his income as a chiropractor? The above treatment known as the "Thorax Aligner", which he pioneered, gained him fame during the 1968 Chiropractors Convention in Reykjavik. The man pictured in the photo receiving Steve's delicate attention is no other than Stephen Hawking before his affliction turned him into a mollusk.

This photo of Lou Ferrigno needs no caption.

This is what happens when you leave your Joe Weider protein supplement lying around the house.

Gluteus, pictured above, was left alone for the weekend and feasted on Steve's 50 gallon jar of Mega Mass 4000 which he carelessly left open.

Sadly, this is the result of Steve's attempt to save his trusted feline friend after he administered several MeltRx 24 Ultra diet pills perscribed by the vet.

For the love of God! Please keep your muscle builders under lock and key so your pet doesn't suffer the same fate!

It seems posting pictures of the family has become a tradition on this blog.

Hundreds of emails (mostly suggesting that I discharge both barrels of a Beretta Silver Hawk model 471 EL shotgun into my mouth) attest to the fact that people would rather see photos of blonde lesbians in the throes of unbridled sexual passion, but I will leave that task to Vince DC who seems to have become quite the Scribosphere legend with his effective use of the practice.

Anyway, that will have to wait till next time.

I seem to have overloaded the Blogger servers as they are not allowing me to upload any more images.

Fuck them.

I'm tired anyway and this whole blogging experiment is taxing my nerves.

More when I get around to it.

Now let me see some comments!

STEVE REEVES: Film God

I'll have you know that the following took much time and effort. Certainly more than deserved for the mission I have so foolishly undertaken.

I am somewhat surprised by the amount of traffic this blog has generated in its short life. I say "somewhat" because I am certainly not surprised that such a group of gullible, misguided johnny-come-latelys could be so easily duped into coming here and showing how truly delusional they are by their very presence. Why, they're even foolhardy enough to leave traces of their visit with comments!

Enough of this.

On with my tribute to STEVE REEVES: My inspiration and spiritual guide through this lacklustre existence some people call a life.

From my private collection.

The poster reads, "Steve Reeves: Hercules of Yesterday -- A Legend"

(Is there a famous Hercules in modern times I may not know about?)

"Let me open that jar of fruit jam for you, ma'am."

or

"Yes, ladies, it's true what they say about me."

(Tell me how I'm doing with the funny captions. New at this.)

"I will kill 10000 barbarians with this yo-yo and they will call me GOLIATH!"

Steve tried to convince the ladies in France to shave their armpits but failed miserably.

George Lucas was not the first Hollywood mogul to market action figures.

Move over James Cameron! Truly on top of the world!

No relation.

Diana Reeves, however, is his illegitimate daughter from his housemaid, Mammy.

Unfortunately, two COLOSSAL flops.

Steve in an early Mack Sennett short "Superman Joins the Navy".

A light moment with Adolf Hitler, Leni Riefenstahl and George Gobel, propaganda minister, during the filming of "Triumph auf der Uber Schwein"

Lou Ferrigno playing Steve in the hit TV biopic:

"Steve Reeves, Man of Many Veins".

One of my most cherished photographs.

Lou with Steve shortly before his death.

Rare poster of Steve in the Ed Wood classic.

Little known fact: Wood decided to go on with the production by putting Steve in a mummy getup after the star's near-fatal accident involving body oil and roman candles which almost cost him his face.

Sorry, couldn't resist posting this. My kids having fun with some photos of aspiring screenwriters they found on the Web.

And finally, this is me in the workout room still trying very hard to emulate my hero. I CAN pick up 200 kilos with my pinkies.

Blogging is an exhausting passtime I must say.

A First...

I suppose now I have to write about my day or my feelings and what not so this blog looks like something someone would want to read.

All right then. I woke up and had my breakfast: Kellog's Special K with spring raspberries from the garden. I read my Wall Street Journal while I sipped my cappuccino made on my very own Elektra (commercial grade) espresso machine. You know, the one with the eagle on top of the brass dome.

Then I kissed my wife and kids goodbye. I wished her luck with the home tutoring and stepped onto my porch where I shot several quail who were nesting in the rose bushes nearby.

I drove my BMW X5 SAV to the office, sat in front of my computer and wrote this nonsense.

Blogging is a sad thing indeed.

Name Genesis

For those of you who want to know, the pseudonym comes from this 60s show.

Not from Albania, as some people would like you to believe.